I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
