can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize