All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
