when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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