SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
