OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize