dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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