Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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