I never want to see another naked old woman again.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
