there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
