so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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