just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
