id be glad to
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
