Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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