How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
