Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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