just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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