Please, let me fuck your mom
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
