I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
