Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
