Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
