T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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