and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Plan B is the new Plan A
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
