The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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