I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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