Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
