3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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