That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
