ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
