drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
