I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
dude. I can hear the air.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
