did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
