apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
