Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
