beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize