Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
