drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
be right there i have to get my cape
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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