And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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