So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
