who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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