I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
