is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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