Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
