Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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