ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
