I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
