i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
