just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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