its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
