nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i think i just lost a toe
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
