I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
