a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
