as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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