You smell like a Billy Joel song
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize