i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
