have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
