He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
