I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
