How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
