Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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