I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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