Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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