Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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