It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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