Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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