It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
