I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
