I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
