i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
